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Young Men, Car Engines and Tolerance

I was recently working with some young men in their dormitory mediating a dispute that was personality based and full of elevated egos. To reach them I found the use of an analogy helpful.

After listening to their complaints about each other, I redirected the conversation by asking them questions about car engines.

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Each one began sharing their knowledge of how cars worked and when they got to the discussions about engine oil and coolant, I shifted gears, if you will, and began to connect their understanding of the value and purpose of engine oil in the car engine with value and importance of having and developing the skill or virtue of tolerance.

Tolerance is that single element or skill essential to finding peace when living in close quarter with other people. This analogy seemed effective in getting them to see a way beyond having to ‘Win” the power struggle and to focus on an outcome that was sustainable.

Engine oil (Tolerance) is an essential element for neutralizing and minimizing the heat build-up from personality friction when working together in any kind of a group or community. And with young men and women in particular, if it can be seen as a tool, rather than “giving in”, they are more likely to adopt it. In any case, it worked for now with these young men so I thought I would share. –
Tolerance => Charity => Love

Philosophy - Mayonnaise Jar - Golf balls – Sand and ...

TWO GLASSES OF RED WINE

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 glasses of red wine.........

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, without speaking he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full of golf balls? They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two glasses of red wine from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
Now, said the professor, as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things; your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions; things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.'

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else; the small stuff.

If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'There is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.'

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. Do one more run down the ski slope. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first; the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the wine represented.

The professor smiled. 'I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of glasses of red wine with a friend.'

Share this with a friends.

(CREDITS: I received this today as an e-mail from my daughter, then found it again on these two blogs while looking for a pictuer: - Kevin Wheeler from the UK and Yolonda from Ireland )