Young Men, Car Engines and Tolerance

I was recently working with some young men in their dormitory mediating a dispute that was personality based and full of elevated egos. To reach them I found the use of an analogy helpful.

After listening to their complaints about each other, I redirected the conversation by asking them questions about car engines.

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Each one began sharing their knowledge of how cars worked and when they got to the discussions about engine oil and coolant, I shifted gears, if you will, and began to connect their understanding of the value and purpose of engine oil in the car engine with value and importance of having and developing the skill or virtue of tolerance.

Tolerance is that single element or skill essential to finding peace when living in close quarter with other people. This analogy seemed effective in getting them to see a way beyond having to ‘Win” the power struggle and to focus on an outcome that was sustainable.

Engine oil (Tolerance) is an essential element for neutralizing and minimizing the heat build-up from personality friction when working together in any kind of a group or community. And with young men and women in particular, if it can be seen as a tool, rather than “giving in”, they are more likely to adopt it. In any case, it worked for now with these young men so I thought I would share. –
Tolerance => Charity => Love